am i ready?

It all started in 2009. I was in Middle East. Love the country, but.....ah, nevermind. Anyway, in Middle East (depends on what country are you) all female must wear hijab. ITS A MUST. They look so beautiful, the arbaya..masya'allah!! Jangan dikenang. Gorgeous!! The minute I landed in that country, I was surrounded with all the local people (duh, obviously!), they're all wearing arbaya and hijab..and so, I fell in love with the arbaya. I told myself that one day when I'm ready I wanna wear exactly like that. I went nuts every time I saw arbaya boutique. Mummy and daddy bought me arbaya and recently Jim's mum bought me one from Mekkah  =) sangat happy okie!!

So back to the title. Damn! This is hard for me to say. Okie...*take a deep breath* Since end of last year, I can't stop asking myself when am I going to cover up and I can't stop looking at shawls. I have no idea how or why all of the sudden hati tu terdetik sampai macam tu sekali. At the same time I ask myself, "Are you ready Tarra? Or is it just a hunch? Because a hunch is not good enough. You will end up bukak tutup bukak tutup just like others". I hate to say this but its true. Now days ramai perempuan suka pakai bukak pakai bukak tudung..I'm not saying semua but kebanyakkan. Get what I'm saying? I don't wanna be like them. Hell no!! Kalau dah tutup, means tutup terus. I've told my mum about it, she said she'll be happy if I'm ready to cover up and she even remind me not to take it off if I decide to wear hijab. Hurmmm....I feel like telling my boyfriend about this, actually I was about to tell him yesterday during our lunch..but, saya segan. LOL...pelikkan? Benda ni pun nak segan. I dunno. Takut dia terkejut beruk pulak..LOL. Haih...Ya Allah..tak tahu lah =/

Until now I still don't have the answer. I'm still in the stage of confusion. I don't know what I actually feel. I'm still searching for the answer. I hope one day Allah SWT will give me the answer to my question. Amin.

Wait..why the hell did I start writing about this??? Haih..bosan ke apa ni? Hurmm...tak apa lah, dah tulis panjang-panjang baru sekarang nak realized. Oh well, its not like there are people reading my blog..kan? =p