Don't

Don't try to change me.
Because someday I will change.
People change.
I'm still young.
I just wanna live my life to the fullest.
Let me do what ever I want, as long as I don't cross the line.
Let me be myself.
Don't try to change me.
Don't tell me what I can and can't do.
Don't try to change my style, how I dress up.
Don't try to change me to become someone who I am not.
Don't.
This is who I am from the beginning, this is who I will always be.
But I do believe in changes.
When the time has come, I will definitely change.
Definitely.

am i ready?

It all started in 2009. I was in Middle East. Love the country, but.....ah, nevermind. Anyway, in Middle East (depends on what country are you) all female must wear hijab. ITS A MUST. They look so beautiful, the arbaya..masya'allah!! Jangan dikenang. Gorgeous!! The minute I landed in that country, I was surrounded with all the local people (duh, obviously!), they're all wearing arbaya and hijab..and so, I fell in love with the arbaya. I told myself that one day when I'm ready I wanna wear exactly like that. I went nuts every time I saw arbaya boutique. Mummy and daddy bought me arbaya and recently Jim's mum bought me one from Mekkah  =) sangat happy okie!!

So back to the title. Damn! This is hard for me to say. Okie...*take a deep breath* Since end of last year, I can't stop asking myself when am I going to cover up and I can't stop looking at shawls. I have no idea how or why all of the sudden hati tu terdetik sampai macam tu sekali. At the same time I ask myself, "Are you ready Tarra? Or is it just a hunch? Because a hunch is not good enough. You will end up bukak tutup bukak tutup just like others". I hate to say this but its true. Now days ramai perempuan suka pakai bukak pakai bukak tudung..I'm not saying semua but kebanyakkan. Get what I'm saying? I don't wanna be like them. Hell no!! Kalau dah tutup, means tutup terus. I've told my mum about it, she said she'll be happy if I'm ready to cover up and she even remind me not to take it off if I decide to wear hijab. Hurmmm....I feel like telling my boyfriend about this, actually I was about to tell him yesterday during our lunch..but, saya segan. LOL...pelikkan? Benda ni pun nak segan. I dunno. Takut dia terkejut beruk pulak..LOL. Haih...Ya Allah..tak tahu lah =/

Until now I still don't have the answer. I'm still in the stage of confusion. I don't know what I actually feel. I'm still searching for the answer. I hope one day Allah SWT will give me the answer to my question. Amin.

Wait..why the hell did I start writing about this??? Haih..bosan ke apa ni? Hurmm...tak apa lah, dah tulis panjang-panjang baru sekarang nak realized. Oh well, its not like there are people reading my blog..kan? =p  

it was like.....woooaah!!

Something happened today..should I say interesting things happened? Its definitely a good thing but there's one thing happened that makes me feel so touched and shocked. I never thought it will happen this fast, but I do know it will soon happen in the future. Will get use to it although I do feel a little bit awkward..hehe.

At the end of this wonderful day, I received a gift. Its touches my heart. Looking forward to 'use' it. Thank you so much =)

Cinderella's castle. Oooowh....it reminds me of my childhood years. Blissful years.
I have a polly pocket of Cinderella's castle. Eh wait, where's the polly pocket eyk??? Damn!!

end of chapter 2, let's start with chapter 3

Its 12:02 a.m. and I still can't sleep and I should have been sleeping by now because I have class tomorrow morning at 9 a.m. Tarra, Tarra..you definitely gonna have a hard time waking up tomorrow. Mummy always remind me to sleep early, she said "you look like a panda"..LOL. I'm sorry mummy but I can't =(  I used to sleep early, but ever since I finished my diploma started to sleep around 3 or 4 a.m. Shouldn't have make it as a 'habit' (I don't think habit is the right word..LOL)

Enough with the sleeping disorder. So, what's new.......?

Well, my new semester started on early February. My result just came out yesterday (3rd March 2011) and I pass with flying color...yeay me!!! I was so nervous to get my result because I'm having difficult time doing the Financial Management report. Its one hell of a report I tell ya!! Susah sangat!! Furthermore I really hate anything that got to do with finance. Alhamdulillah I pass. I got B. I know, I know..B is not something you should be proud of. But I feel so relief and bersyukur sangat, feels like the burden has been thrown away from me.

That's the end of Chapter 2 (year 2)

Move on to Chapter 3 (year 3 - Final Year).

Dang!!! I can't believe I'm in final year. Yeay!!! LOL.. Sangat risau, nervous and excited to start doing my thesis. Lepas tu habis belajar. I just can't wait to finish my study and start working. Yes I know working life is tougher than being a student. Many people been telling me and complaining how hard and tough work can be. People back-stab you just to get to the top, people envy you, if you're unlucky you will work with crazy people,etc. Honestly, I'm scared listening to all those story, but life must go on. Takkan nak hidup as a student and semua nya depends on duit parents. My sister's friend is now 30 years old and he is still studying, not working and still depends on his father. He's been changing courses and colleges..how pathetic is that???? 

Okie, now its already 12:27 a.m. I should go to sleep now..nanti susah nak bangun. Good night peeps!! ;)

hurmm.....jealous ke??

I love reading other people blog, but that doesn't mean I'm a stalker. Its fun reading about people experiences and stories, I mean tak semua orang experience the same thing..betul tak? So anyway, some of my friends suka upload picture of them and their boyfriend in their blog or facebook. From the title of my blog sounds like I'm jealous..kan? Okie fine..I do admit I am jealous of them. Bukan jealous or dengki pasal diorang happy or the boyfriend is handsome ke apa (we are happy together, I have nothing to complain about), but I'm jealous sebab diorang ada banyak collection gambar diorang berdua. I would love to have those kind of picture of me and my boyfriend (ada collection gambar kitorang, tapi tak banyak, tak sampai ratus agak nya). Unfortunately, I guess that wont be happening..because my boyfriend doesn't like people to take his picture (ada reason dia) tapi dia suka ambil gambar orang (he's a freelance photographer) but jarang ambil gambar saya (bukan tak pernah, tapi jarang) sebabnya camera berat and malas nak bawak jalan-jalan and tak suka pakai camera phone pasal quality tak bagus (noted - al maklum lah, pro photographer). Geram? Yes. Tapi saya ada banyak collection gambar dia, sebab saya suka ambil gambar dia, I think he's cute (saya sorang saja nampak dia cute, other people probably don't see him the way I do, so I don't care what you guys think). I'm not surprise if kitorang kahwin nanti plan nak buat slideshow about us tak ada gambar yang nak guna or nak tunjuk kat anak-anak (kalau lah ada jodoh) or for me to go through the memory lane bila dah tua nanti (cewah!! =p), sebab memang tak banyak gambar kitorang together. How sad!

i miss you guys so much

2011

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEEPS!!!

Its a new year, a new beginning, and a fresh start. This year definitely gonna be a really tough year for me (its my final year) and InsyaAllah something good will happen to me (I really hope it will happen *amin*). Selain dari tu I hope everything goes well *amin*.

My holiday has officially started about 2weeks ago. That same week I fell sick (yes,again.). I had bacteria infection in my blood *sigh*

Anyway, I had great time this few weeks, and the past 3days was just awesome!! On new years eve me and boyfriend went to La Bodega Pavilion (tak jadi pergi bbq), joined by Alia and Joe. We just chilled, had late dinner and chit chat till almost 2am. Alia is 6 month pregnant so we decided to go home quite early (early lah tu compared to orang lain,kn?). 

The next morning (01.01.2011), me and boyfriend went to Kuala Selangor attending Ninja and Umie's engagement.. Jauh gila okie! It took us 2hours to reached the destination.  That is my first time pergi ke Kuala Selangor, ingatkan dekat macam pegi ke Bukit Beruntung.  Anyway, congrats you guys! After the engagement kitorang pergi tengok wayang, makan and cari susu Bella (our bulu baby girl --> its a cat lah![kitten]). Oh and malam kitorang pergi beli groceries..because...on 02.01.2011 I'm going to cook dinner for 8people!! *gulp* I'm cooking for his family =p Actually my boyfriend really wanted to eat goulash, teringin kata dia dah lama tak makan. And...he wants me to cook extra for his family as well. Walaupun dah biasa masak goulash tapi risau jugak nak masak bagi ramai orang makan because usually I only cook for my family. Tapi tak apa, I take it as a challenge and said yes. 

02.01.2011: I start cooking at 3-ish. My aunt helped me in the kitchen. Boyfriend came over to pick me up with his lil sister/my adik, Nawal. Went straight to his place and hangout. At 8-ish we all had dinner. His dad starting to make that so-called-food critic face..LOL. Then dia cakap sedap!! Yeay!! His mom, sister, brother-in-law and even Nawal cakap sedap. Yippy!! I'm so glad everyone likes it. Suddenly his mom said, "Sedap. Dah approve dah. Boleh lah kahwin next year." LOL. As usual my boyfriend will act like he didn't hear anything and continue eating.

Its been wonderful, thank you Allah for making my day so wonderful and bless me with loving family and people around me. I really hope 2011 will be kind to me till end of the year. *amin*